Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Where is Rex the dinosaur? In the ground.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄
Arabs: WHO PUT THAT TOWER THERE... we must destroy it!
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
