"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
History Jokes
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
Flippity floppity, women are property.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
What day is international terrorist day?
September 11th, 2001.
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?
Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!
My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
