History jokes
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
Memes
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has faster reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
Flippity floppity, women are property.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
What day is international terrorist day?
September 11th, 2001.
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.
Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!