History jokes
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but got plane instead.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
My classmate, Hailey Legacy.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
What's a building's first crush? A plane.
When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
What flavor of pizza did the Twin Towers order?...
Plane.
What was Hitler known for?
His exceptional cost efficiency.
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
What is the smallest skyscraper in the world? The World Trade Centre.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.