Him jokes

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?

Butter.

I brought a cow and named him Mayo.

Mayo Neighs!

The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.

Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"

The kid replied, "I'm not sad."

Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."

I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂