Him jokes

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

I brought a cow and named him Mayo.

Mayo Neighs!

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

Please go subscribe to Kane Brown, people; he has good songs. Please go subscribe to him, please.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.