Him jokes

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

A quad rasher ran him over.

Why were the octopi sad?

Ugly 2d big tittied girls kept fucking him idk im a horny 14 year old.

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Steve!"

"Steve who?"

Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.

He might have been a Fortnite player. Respect him.

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

God- make a grumpy old man president.

Angel- why?

G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

A- okay.

G- make him not pay taxes.

A- okay...

Fast forward to 2020

G- you know that grumpy old man?

A- yea...

G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

A- Krona.

G- exactly.

A- why do you hate humans so much?

G- because I can.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?

It reminds him of last night.

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."

Face the truth, Jake could have went on the door, but Rose wanted him to die.

What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."