Hey Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids

Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!” “Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”

In Boston we say

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said “ Hey Jill, you wanna?” Jill said yes, unzipped her dress and then they had a “daughta” 🤣

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."

"Wait, wha.."

"What?"

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him "Hey man What the hell you doing?". Blind guy says "Just looking around"

What did the rope say to my depressed ass

~ hey you wanna hang

Dad: Hey son wanna here a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbors dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life son! My life is the joke.

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

At baseball practice... Hey John did you bring the bucket of balls? No but I got two right here

What Would you find on a haunted beach?

A Sand-witch!

"Hey guys I'm a new Jokester, remeber my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.s. They will be much better than this one!"

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam

Doctor: Yup

Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger

Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”