Hes jokes

Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?

Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.

Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.

"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.

"Indeed, they are," he was told.

"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.