Hes

Hes jokes

Church

Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.

Santa

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

Slavery

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

Disabled

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

Woman

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Work

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

Emo

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

IKEA

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Twin Towers

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Twin Towers

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

Michael Jackson

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

Homeless

One day I was walking next to a home less man and he was eating grass I asked him if he was hungry he said yes I said follow me you should of seen his face when I showed him my back yard 😂😂😂😂

Twin Towers

The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.

North Korean

I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.

He said he couldn't complain.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

Canada

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.