Hes Jokes

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him", so i couldn't do a fatality. I was confused but i understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen. "Are those brownies, I smell?", he asks. "Indeed, they are.", he was told. "Gee", he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts."

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."

My brother is ugly one time he stuck his head out the window, the police arrested for mooning

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his perants were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 metres of a school?

Because he's dead

An Autistic Chef made Hamburgers out of Donkey meat.

He called them: "ASPERGER'S"

I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

why is the thief so good at basketball? because he can shoot, steal, and run

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry

What category of music did JFK like. You could say he was a metalhead.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months. At the funeral, a man see the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man look at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"