Herring jokes

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.

Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

Big Mom is so fat, Trafalgar Law can’t make enough room for her!

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"