Herring jokes
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
Memes
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.