I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”
“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”
Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.
Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.
Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
