Herring jokes

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.

Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips.

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Why did the transgender man only eat salad?

Because he was a "her" before.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.

Why did the chicken crack the safe?

To get to her nest egg.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?

mummy

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.