Herring jokes

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

Why did the chicken crack the safe?

To get to her nest egg.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?

mummy

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.