Herring Jokes

I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said “NICE CUT G”

A hill billy female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.

how can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her? change your name to "rape"

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

I was having sex with my girl and she said she likes it rough so i socked her in the face.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her

what did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

freeze

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? -- She was fed up with the hole business.

your mum is so slow it took her 9 months to make a joke

“I had a great day today Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"

Yo mama so ugly that the grinch fell out when he saw her

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant

my girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. fair enough. i gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

Young Couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!"So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews."

Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500. The first replied:"For 500€? Of course!" The second said:"I'd do it for free!" The third replied:"I would even give her 200€!" The fourth replied:"With my ex? Never!

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’