My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
Yo mama so fat, the Egyptians modeled the pyramids based on her.
Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
