Herring Jokes

if your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top-of-ya

My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that

One day i was texting my friend on roblox and i made her made her mad. she told me she was gonna kill me. that night she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 pm sharp. but she made sharp in all caps. so i went to the bathroom at pm the next day. now i know what she meant by SHARP on roblox...... she brought a knife and i was in hell by then. like for the next part!

I know this isnt the real chicken wing song but my version...

chicken wing chicken wing i want your mommy slap her with my hary salami while she still yawning.

making your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)

Boy- your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster Quiet kid- your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery story. The young boy then screams to a random woman “ your an ugly bitch”. The mother grabs her son, and says “ I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open. Woman aren't human anyways... lol

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her :(

I went to the local butchers and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says "I had to fire her too"

Alternative punchline:

I had to all social services, she was only 14

so i got my sister shampoo for her birthday and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor

My girlfriend accused me of cheating and i said to her, your starting to sound like my wife.

so a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats and the dealer tells him ‘dude the rain will ruin the seats get it under something if it starts raining and worst case scenario put vaseline all over the seats to make it water proof’. so he goes to his girlfriend house that night for dinner and before he goes inside she says ‘listen this is your first time meeting your parents we have a rule, the first one to speak has to do the dishes’. so he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes over 3 months because no one has spoken and the stench is awful. during dinner he concocted a plan to get someone to speak so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. not a peep eventually he grabs his girlfriend bends her over and starts going to town. still nothing the parents are outraged but not speaking because they don’t want to do the dishes. after about a minute of this he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. at that moment it starts to rain his motorcycle is out in the rain and grabs the vaseline out of his pack pocket and the dad goes ‘FINE ILL DO THE DISHES’