Her jokes

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Yo Mama is so fat that Nationwide took nine years to get on her side.

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

Yo mama so fat, she has her own gravitational pull.

Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

Yo mama so ugly that when the Kool-Aid Man busted through her wall, he said, “Oh no!”

Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.