Height jokes

Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.

The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."

There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."

There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."

There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."

Then it all happened.

The fly dropped six inches.

The fish came up and caught the fly.

The bear came out and caught the fish.

The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.

The mouse went for the sandwich.

The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.

The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Short people tend to get angry easily...

'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

Midget

I tell short people to reach for the stars.

They are always a bit short of reach.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

Why am I still alive?

Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...