Height jokes
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
I don't beat up midgets.
That would be punching down.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!
So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
Three men are working on a building site.
Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.
The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.
"By god," the man exclaims, "I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and every day, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself."
The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.
"Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Every day, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself."
The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.
"I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself."
The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.
The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.
At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.
"If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches," says the first man’s wife, "I always thought he was being ironic!"
"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches," says the second man’s wife, "I always thought he was being sarcastic!"
"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches," says the third man’s wife, "but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!"
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.