Height jokes

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

The grass tickles their balls.

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

"Mine is 3 inches."

"That's not very lo..."

"From the ground."

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

How tall does the grass grow in Germany?

Zis high!

How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.

How is the weather down there?

Why did the midget laugh when he ran? Because the grass tickles his balls.

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.