Height jokes
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck a big dick.
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
My sister is so short she can't walk.
Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"
Me: "Where?"
Friend: "In front of me."
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
If you drop something, make your short friend get it.
You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.
Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.