Height jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
You’ve really gotta hand it to short people because they usually can’t reach it anyway.
What can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some are still in the air.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀
All my 9/11 jokes seem to fly too low.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
lmao why do people think they can fly?
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
Three men are working on a building site.
Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.
The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.
"By god," the man exclaims, "I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and every day, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself."
The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.
"Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Every day, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself."
The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.
"I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself."
The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.
The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.
At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.
"If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches," says the first man’s wife, "I always thought he was being ironic!"
"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches," says the second man’s wife, "I always thought he was being sarcastic!"
"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches," says the third man’s wife, "but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!"