Height jokes
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.
I don't ignore dwarfs, I just overlook them.
Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.
Dwarf: pulls down the flap for the mirror.
Also dwarf: can’t see.
Why do midgets laugh while they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
Why couldn’t the midget talk?
Because someone stepped on him.
Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!
If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
Why don't the giraffes go to elementary school? Because they are already in high school.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"
Me: "Where?"
Friend: "In front of me."
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!
You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.
- Why is that flight waiting at 30,000 feet height?
- One tire became flat. They are changing it in the middle of the journey.
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.