Hearing Jokes

My dad died the other day but, i was able to hear his last words"son are you still holding the ladder"

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage."

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "what's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "well Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit so we cut them off."

So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? ...Actually nah you won't get over it

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

billie: hi

me: you wanna hear a story?

billie: yes sure

me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months. At the funeral, a man see the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man look at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

did you hear about the light bulb party--- yeah it was pretty lit!

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible....But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.