Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin? Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".
Two Italian men get on a bus...
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism? It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
When deaf people people see someone yawning do they think their screaming
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted? It was quite a shocker.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme"
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
want to hear a joke a bout milk.............. no it's to cheesey.
