Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?" Mommy xays, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play" A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter. Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so l she l took the sissors and cut them off."
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods and I was going to tell him nice fake airpods but it was his hearing aids
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? it cuts itself.
i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl? I’d really like to meter
How do you know when Helen Keller is home? Answer; When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes
I can hear the whole world booing me
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom. The "p" is silent.
Did you hear the joke about helen keller? neither did she. Did you see that one coming? neither did she.
(shes blind and deaf)
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book...it's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted nein, nein, so one of them left.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
