A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
me: you wanna hear a story?
billie: yes sure
me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.
Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually I shouldn’t spread it.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well he’s all right now!
A teacher asks a boy in her class “If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?” The boy responds with “None.” The teacher asks why. “They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot.” The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher “3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?” The teacher says “The one sucking it.” The boy says “No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think.”
did you hear about the light bulb party— yeah it was pretty lit!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom. The “p” is silent.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
Want To Hear A Joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Did you hear about the guys who’s whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he’s all right now.
So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? …Actually nah you won’t get over it
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing