Hearing jokes
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.