Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
Hearing Jokes
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?
Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.
Hitler says, “Yes.”
Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”
Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
Did you hear about the TikTok post that offended disabled people? Some didn't reply because the comment section was disabled.
Yo mama's so poor that she only watches Frozen to hear Elsa sing "Let It Go."
You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.
Here are 20 jokes for you:
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!
How does a bee style its hair? With a honeycomb!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer!
I hope these jokes brought a smile to your face! Let me know if you'd like to hear more.