Hearing jokes
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?
Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!
Isn't it ridiculous to hear INBRED WHITE TRASH RACISTS talking $#iT about OTHER "Cultures"?
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Wanna hear a joke? Just look in the mirror, the joke's there!
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!