Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Hearing Jokes
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Wanna hear a joke? Just look in the mirror, the joke's there!
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)
OMG, you wanna hear a joke?
Nah, I don't care.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Did you hear about the Mexican emo band? They're called "Hispanic at the Disco."
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.
Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.
