Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Wanna hear a joke? Just look in the mirror, the joke's there!
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)
OMG, you wanna hear a joke?
Nah, I don't care.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."