Healthcare jokes

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.

_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?

To keep all the vegetables fresh.

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.