Healthcare jokes

Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.

Just to test their patients.

A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?

"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."

Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?

Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?

A school shooting.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.

Q. What do rape victims miss?

A. Part of their brain.