Healthcare Jokes

Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

hahhahahahaha

The image shows a close-up of a person's face with dark circles around their eyes and a wide, exaggerated smile. The text on the image reads, "MY FACE" at the top and "AFTER A 48 HOUR SHIFT" at the bottom. The watermark "nursebuff.com" is in the lower right corner.

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.

Just to test their patients.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?

"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."

Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?

Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.

Q. What do rape victims miss?

A. Part of their brain.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.