Healthcare jokes
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?
A Sundown Smackdown.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
Welcome to youtube.com.
Where we treat our patients nicely.
Hi.
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!