What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Healthcare Jokes
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Welcome to youtube.com.
Where we treat our patients nicely.
Hi.
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Abortion is bad.
What do you call a fetus with Down syndrome? An abortion.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
When the card declines on child insurance.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
