Healthcare jokes
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Welcome to youtube.com.
Where we treat our patients nicely.
Hi.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?
A Sundown Smackdown.
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!