Healthcare jokes
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
"Yeetus to the fetus."
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery? It’s all Depends!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Welcome to youtube.com.
Where we treat our patients nicely.
Hi.
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.