Healthcare jokes

Kid: I have the corona virus!

Nurse: Here is an ice pack.

Why are hospitals always freezing?

They need to keep the vegetables cold.

What [is] another name for an abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?

A. A homesick abortion.

*in the hospital*

Paralyzed kid: I'm out!

*walks out the room*

Blind kid: You can walk?!

Mute kid: You can see?!

Deaf kid: You can talk?!

Doctor: Wut the f**k?

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.

Nobody still wanted them.

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.