Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
Health Jokes
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Your mama is so fat. She gets winded just thinking about running.
Your mama is so stupid, Patrick Starr ran away because he thought she might be contagious.
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
I poo 11 times a day.
Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."
I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.
Still waiting on an answer.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
What is Stephen Hawking's best side?
The left.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
You're an alcoholic!
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
