Health jokes

If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."

Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.

What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?

Because they hate their lives and want to die.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

A man walks in to the doctor.

He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."

Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!

What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?

A vegetable rack.

What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?

A Royale with cancer.

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?

Chewbacca.

An obese kid farts.

Hands down, syndromes are bad.

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?

An art attack!

What is a type of cancer that:

Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?

Easy, the answer is Fortnite.

Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.

Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.

What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.