Health jokes

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"

Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."

The player says, "Oh, good for you!"

Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.

Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?

They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.

One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?

Chewbacca.

An obese kid farts.

What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?

An art attack!

What is a type of cancer that:

Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?

Easy, the answer is Fortnite.

Hands down, syndromes are bad.

Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.

What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.