What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
When you breathe.
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."
Where do depressed people go to eat?
Suicide Sonic.
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.
Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
Yo momma so fat, her ankle broke and gravy poured out.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
