Health jokes
What do you call onions and beans?
Tear gas.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
Weaponization of flashlights
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?
Chewbacca.
An obese kid farts.
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.