Health jokes
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.