Health jokes
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
You know who else has dementia?
Comments for answer.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"