Health jokes

Why did the hooker quit her job?

She had a nut allergy.

I finally know why my brain doesn't work!

On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?

$2 billion and high cholesterol.

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

I forgot the joke.

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.