Health jokes
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
Why Cristiano Ronaldo loves oranges??
Because they contain vitamin suiiiii!
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.