Health jokes
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
What do you call an autistic daughter?
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?
My stepdad did beat cancer.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
I poo 11 times a day.
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
What do you call a hung autist...
Dead.
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!