Health jokes

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

What do you call a hung autist...

Dead.

What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?

Her dad didn't beat cancer.

Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

My foot itches.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?

It gives him gas.

What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?

Hair pull.

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.