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Health jokes

I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

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    • A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

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    • A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

    The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

    The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

    "Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

    The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

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    • Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

    Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!

    Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

    Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

    Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

    "Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

    One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

    When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"

    She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD