Health jokes
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.