What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
How do you poop?
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
