Health jokes
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?
Aaron with a rope.
What's the difference between Andy and acne?
Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
What do most disabled people eat?
Their arm.
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
Hi, what's your name?
I don't know, I'm disabled.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.