Health jokes
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.