Health jokes
All germs are from GERMany.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
What do you call a homosexual in a coma?
A fruit and a vegetable!
l li
ll l_
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
What do you play Fallout 4 with low health?
You Fallout.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best cum.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."