Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
What’s positive in Africa?
HIV/AIDS.
