Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
Health Jokes
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
