Health jokes
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.