When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
