Health jokes
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
I have no legs.
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?
Diabetes.