Health jokes
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?
Diabetes.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.
Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?