Health jokes
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
Diarrhea.
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."
Q: What is the hardest part to eat on a cabbage?
A: The wheelchair.
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.