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Health jokes

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

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    • What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

    AIDS.

    What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."

    My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

    Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

    Jimmy: "That's great!"

    Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

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    • 1: My grandpa died last year.

    2: What kind of cancer?

    1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

    Why did Susie fall off the swing?

    Because she had no arms.

    Knock knock. Who's there?

    Not Susie.

    Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?

    "Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"

    Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.

    Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.

    Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

    I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

    After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

    The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

    Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”