Health jokes
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
What's the difference between a priest and a zit?
A: One waits until you're twelve to cum on your face.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun...
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)