The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
