Health jokes
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?
Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.