Health jokes
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Please stop using this thread. It is cancer.
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
I wish I was blind.
Why are there blind people? Because there is.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!