Health jokes
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Please stop using this thread. It is cancer.
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
I wish I was blind.
Why are there blind people? Because there is.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What is your snow ❄️ name? X-ray.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
What kind of nut hates baseball? A nut that’s sick.